Kerota replied 15 years ago (Oct 20th 2008, 12:01:17 am)
There is such a LONG and DIFFICULT AGONY for me. Here's my story in brief.
I was born into the LDS church, and although I secretly harbored gay feelings, I suppressed my attraction to men for about 35 years of my life. During that time, I went to church, went to the temple, went on a mission, went to BYU, and married in the temple.
When I married, all of my 7 siblings could be there, since they had all already married in the temple. So none of them was excluded from attending. I was a true believing mormon then, and my (now) ex-wife and I decided to raise our 2 children in mormonism.
Since then, I have awakened to the untruthfulness of the LDS church, and also to my true sexual identity.
But my children remain active LDS members. One, my son, has already married, in the LDS temple, without me. Although he was sympathetic, he told me through actions and words, that his higher allegiance was to the church. I can still recall the heartache I felt as I drove around Provo, on the morning of his wedding, alone, and crying.
My daughter is still unmarried, but has also said that she will marry in the temple, when the time comes. She thought I might be a bit more comfortable if, after the actual temple ceremony, they have a "ring ceremony" in which I could be involved. That's sweet, but it's not the same as being at her actual wedding, and walking her down the aisle.
I wish she would have a real wedding, at which ALL could celebrate her happiness and new life, If that happened, I don't believe I'd be "giving her away" but I would be giving public approval of my daughter's choice in marrying her fiance, and it would be a chance to give her a blessing for happiness and love in her married life.
But I won't be able to do that, unless the LDS church changes the unfair "doctrine" of exclusivity now in place.
My fondest dream would be that they do so, before my daughter gets married. Although she's not engaged, she has a steady boyfriend, and it looks like they're headed toward a commitment.
Not only will the LDS church NOT allow me to attend my own and only daughter's wedding, they are also seeking to prevent me from marrying the adult consenting person I love.
Needless to say, I don't have very many good feelings in my heart for them, and I wish more active mormons would wake up to the reality of their own cult-like religion.